not the corpses!

AroAce with a love for biology and art. Contents of this blog include a shit ton of mystery skulls, dead things, gender/sexuality/race issues, and other assorted interests.

they/them

(check the tag list)
[bg credit cryptovolans]

New Session | Archive of Our Own

https://href.li/?https://archiveofourown.org/works/46776934

answrs:

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Pokemon Legends: Arceus (Video Game), Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Characters: Nobori | Ingo, Other Characters Mentioned
Additional Tags: Melancholy
Summary:

There is a world in which Arceus is not merciful to a man lost in time and space and mind, and the Lords Sinnoh are ambivalent at best.

Ingo is not returned home.

He finds his way there eventually.

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anyway got about a day left on the bidding if anyone wants a very lightly used (legitimately only 1-5 days of play out of the sealed box) PMD or Link’s Awakening for the switch! I have these two for sale on my ebay (will likely post one or two more, definitely pikmin 3 at least, when I dig the boxes out this week). hoping to get enough for the new zelda game after selling fees. ^^“

https://www.ebay.com/usr/boredun

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*whispers softly* don’t

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we’re old friends, and you’re not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I’ve been doing a lot of work recently that’s focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I’m not good enough. That I’m somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it’s a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it’s loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I’m several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my “recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms” worksheet mixed in with the “you’re not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels” worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren’t sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I’m someone I’m not.

Because I’m masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I’ve always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn’t fit in or was failing in some way I couldn’t see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they’d stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they’d realize I’m a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I’m your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn’t also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it’s that aftermath that’s affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do– but it doesn’t feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I’m dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I’m doing is so foreign my brain has decided it’s just another form of masking.

I’m pretending to be a good author so people will think I’m a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I’m Weird and not whatever palatable version I’ve presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn’t an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I’m going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

I brought this post up with my ADHD therapist today (who also has ADHD), and she got so still that I thought our Zoom call had frozen.

Turns out she just needed to stare into her soul for a bit and it looked like this:

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veradragonjedi:

All the humanoid figures in the building you’re in suddenly come to life and are trying their hardest to kill you, (this means dolls, mannequins, sculptures, puppets etc but they have to be human-ish) How Screwed Are You?

I’m chilling. (there are none that i can think of)

slightly unnerved

Oh no (I could fight them off.)

OH NO! (can’t fight them off)

already dead (I live in a museum/large fashion store)

Add the approximate number in the tags!! If you’re wondering if something counts, drop a comment!

honestly? feel real fucking disgusted at the ao3 complete nonapology (“one of our 900 volunteers had an opinion people didn’t like” you mean THE CHAIR OF YOUR LEGAL TEAM ACTING AS AN OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE OF THE ORGANIZATION TO US GOVERNMENT COPYRIGHT TALKS?)

“we’re totally gonna protect your fic from being scraped without consent. it’ll be opt-out instead of opt-in. also we’d like to officially encourage posting anything made with said scraped content.”

and then the comments under it accusing anyone that might have an issue about, you know, the ethics of going out of their way to say they totally support AI generated works made with nonconsentually scraped content, is being called an anti that wants to censor all content on the site. fucking amazing.

i am fucking TRYING to block the gross anti tags because i sure as fuck don’t wanna see their submas shit anywhere near me either, the exact thing they CLAIM TO WANT TO HAPPEN, then they KEEP CENSORING THE FUCKING TAGS in new and stupid ways so my blocking doesn’t fucking WORK.

so hey y'all psa if you wanna not be performative about it maybe make it so the “evil shippers” and people that are normal about fandom can fucking avoid the stuff you hate them looking at so much? i cannot believe i have to explain this like a mcfuckin kindergarten teacher.

“i am going to k!11 you with six thousand knives” bitch you’re too scared to write the fucking ship name or basic english excuse me if I don’t think highly of your capabilities lmao

think I know why I’ve been having That Feeling™ of dreadmalaisefrustrationanxiousantsyhighstrung that you don’t notice growing and growing until it’s already at a critical mas that precipitates an anxiety attack. and (somewhat ironically) it wasn’t even my own mother that caused it this mother’s day, it was my aunt’s MiL.

I should probably write it out for my therapist but honestly I’ve been up the whole night too high strung to sleep but too anxious to do anything. like it’s one of the bad ones too I almost never have where it feels like there’s some deadly being hanging just behind my shoulder. so yanno. not the most conducive to working. 🙃

humming-fly:

my allergy medication’s really been kicking in this year

angermango:

A digital sketch of Captain Cyllene from Pokemon Legends: Arceus standing in front of a blackboard. Written on the board are the words "Scapegoating & exiling", beneath which is a piece of paper taped to the board.  Cyllene: There is only one thing worse than scapegoating and exiling someone during a crisis.ALT
Cyllene rips the piece of paper off the board, revealing "A child" written underneath, making the full message read "Scapegoating & exiling a child".  Cyllene: Boom.ALT
A digital black and white sketch of Commander Kamado's face in close-up. He is scowling with an aghast look upon his face in response to Cyllene's presentation, his face dramatically shaded.  Kamado: A CHILD.  On the bottom right beneath Kamado's dialogue bubble is a large speech bubble accompanied by a cartoon chibi version of Cyllene's head, her eyes comically huge and scowling at Kamado.  Cyllene: NOALT

if this ain’t how it happened-

[source], though I’m sure we all know it

viwan themes